Whatifs and Whynots

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Whynots were wondering loudly one day
 “Who thought up this language I wonder?
There, their, and they’re in our personal view
Are etymological blunders”
 
Clarity suffers we really believe
One spelling would do very nicely.
Why not just spell it as ‘thayr’ and have done
T’would do the job much more precisely.”
 
Whatifs were list’ning and shaking thayr heads
As Whynots continued thayr mewling
“Why do we use double leters at all
This language could use some retoling.”
 
Whatifs said “What if the word’s incorrect?
The last word you said was confusing”
“Fine” said the Whynots it’s easy to fix
We’l just start to spel it ‘retewling’
 
While we’re on doubles, why have duble vowels
When one wud work as wel or beter?
Why not cut down on the time riting takes
By leving out al silent leters?
 
Whatifs just side and sed “What if yor plan
Becomes more confusing than ever”
“Nonsense, now let’s drop that dum leter ‘c’
Wel thayr, don’t yu think that sownds klever?
 
Drop the apostrofe, lews p h to
Its sily when ‘f’s what yor after”
Whatifs kryd “Stop now, yor making a mes.
But Whynots just burst owt in lafter.
 
 “Why not fonetiks? wel rite wat we here
I no that yull no wat Im thinking.”
“But if I dont?” “wel it isnt mi falt
Thayrs no nede for yu tu start drinking”
 
“What if” sed Whatifs “its sumthing rel big?
And what if I cant understand yu?
What if the klarity yu thot yu had
Duz not go just kwite as yu pland tu?”

“Wat now?” sed Whynots “now wat did yu sey?
A kwite yu kan fli? or a pland pot?
How kan I tel wat yor trying tu say
If yu kant speke klerely, I kan not”
 
“What if” ses Whatifs “I giv yu a slap?
Yu think it wud help komprehenshun?”
“Why not” size Whynots “mi hed hurts so bad
Its stuffed full of misaprehenshun
 
“What if” said Whatifs, we left it alone
This language, so full of confusion,
Doesn’t take kindly to radical change
I’ve come to a perfect conclusion;
 
Learn it correctly and learn it with pride
This language that gives us such trouble,
Reading and writing till we understand
Which letters are single or double.
 
Where do the silent ones live in a word?
Apostrophes, how do we use them?
‘C’, I embrace you, your ‘sss’ and your ‘k’
I’ll study so I won’t confuse them.
 
This is my language, it’s my Mother Tongue,
I love her in spite of her foibles.
Why not delight in the shading and tints
That make her so deep and enjoyable
 
“Why not” sighed Whynot.

Confessions of a reluctant grammarian

lindastudleyLeave a comment

I get teased a lot because sloppy English usage irritates me. Not the honest, “I’m doing my best but I really don’t understand the difference between they’re and there,” type of mistakes, but the ones made by those who should know better and don’t seem to care. That makes me the “English Nazi” or the “Grammarian”. The silly part of all this is that I’m not ‘English perfect’ either! I have high school English and a couple of creative writing courses behind me. I make mistakes all the time.

Like ‘lose’ and ‘loose’; I have a mind-numbing inability to keep those straight and often use one in place of the other. Just one of those short circuits that happen I guess. I look for those words now and work at using them correctly. And the word ‘syrup’; it took a lot of teasing by my husband reminding me that it’s spelled ‘syrup’ in English before I stopped spelling it ‘sirop’ (the French spelling. It also pops up sometimes when I spell ‘dance’ as ‘danse’).

What irritates me is not the poor grammar, it’s the absence of caring about it.

I know someone who will remain nameless who I tease constantly, in a friendly way, for incorrect spellings. But I admire her greatly because she takes the teasing the way it is meant; gentle urgings to try harder, to be aware of the things that trip her up. And she never gives up trying, despite reading problems, she reads, she makes the effort and I think it has made her a stronger person. Or perhaps she makes the effort because she’s a strong person. In any case, I admire her greatly; not for her spelling, but for her tenacity, because she cares.

I wrote a poem about the English language and some of its strange and annoying characteristics. It’s called “Whatifs and Whynots” and I’ll post it right after this post.

Write from the start…

lindastudley1 Comment

Writing is something I do because it’s easier than not writing. I write songs (2 CDs released – Check out www.lindaconnellstudley.com for those), I write poetry, I write essays, epigrams, and short stories.
To be fair, I write a lot of other stuff too; like reports for work and grocery lists. Don’t worry, I won’t post them here.
I also draw and paint, so I often find that a poem I’ve written will inspire a picture, or vice versa.

I’m going to start this blog with a poem titled “I Am Me”.