Mother’s Day 2024

I am a mother, a grandmother, and a great grandmother. But on Mother’s Day this year I think back to my own mother. A child of the twenties (great depression), a young girl through the thirties (dirty thirties), and a young woman during the forties ( World War 2 – the battle of Britain), she did not have everything handed to her on a silver platter. She was brave, smart, resourceful, and had a strong, and sometimes quirky, sense of humour. Adventurous, she left England as a War Bride to follow her Canadian husband to a whole new world.

She was loving and instilled a strong sense of right and wrong in her children. She also sang with them and laughed with them and made them feel treasured.

I was one of the lucky ones. Although my family in Canada was small, it was incredibly loving and close. My grandmother lived with us until she passed away when I was about 14. Although sterner, there was never any doubt that she adored her grandchildren without reservation. And she made the best chocolate cake ever.

Once, as a young teen, I remember some friends talking about going away to summer camp and I asked my mum and dad why I never went to summer camp.  They seemed a bit mystified by my question and then Mum said “Why would we send you away? We want to spend the summer with you.”  And we did, camping, gardening, swimming, fishing, eating chocolate cake.

I am sorry for people who did not have a childhood like mine. I wish they could have had more love and kindness in their formative years. If I could I’d share my good familial fortune with them all. But all I can do is try to pass on the kindness, compassion, and strength of my mother’s example.

Happy Mother’s Day. If you don’t have one, you can share mine. She would have been 100 this year.

Retrospective

What is it you treasure?
You’ll know when it’s gone.
To see leaves on trees,
to hear the oriole’s song.

To sit on the ground
with nary a thought
of how you’ll get up again
or not…

To feel the strength
within your fingers
as you press the strings
and the music lingers.

And why do so many
things fall to the ground
and I make that noise
when I bend down.

And I thank all Gods
that I took the time
to do things I loved
when in my prime.

For even if I can’t
do them now
I can look back
and remember how

I made music with friends
I danced and wrote songs,
I painted, not caring if
I did it wrong.

What is it you treasure?
Enjoy it today.
Make memories now.
Don’t wait, no, don’t wait.

One

I live in a bubble, life
playing out around me in comforting
rhythms, familiar if not predictable.
Passive spectator except on those
rare occasions when the bubble pops
and the world stands forth, stark and clean.

Colours sing that three dimensions,
five senses,
one lifetime,
are not enough
to experience a world so real
and I know that if I could just stay
outside the bubble I could hold time
in the palm of my hand, vanquish
the dragons of pain, fear, and longing, see
inside hearts, and speak without words.

Then a random, mundane thought intrudes
and the bubble sneaks up around me again, clouds
the freshness, lulls my senses.
But just before the bubble closes I wonder
‘is this what becoming one with the universe means?
Was I there and I blew it again?
Will I ever find my way back?’.

I feel in my bones this world
I’ve glimpsed is a stepping stone
to eternity and if I could just stay
long enough to find my way
I would sprout new senses, fly
into a new dimension, the next lifetime.
The dragons growl.
The bubble closes.

My Mother’s Garden

Sometimes, in dreams, I wander
half remembered woods.
Sunlight casts flickering shadows of light
over the forest floor.

I am searching for the flowers;
the wild flowers and the tame flowers.
Flowers from every garden she ever grew,
blooming together in unlikely harmony.
I stoop, I pick, I fill my arms with the fat, fragrant blossoms.

Especially the blue ones.
She loved the blue ones.
I am picking this bouquet for her.
My life is a procession of flowers and memories.
A patchwork of the things she taught me
as we worked in her garden
Weeding, culling, training the vines
in the way they should go.
Training me
in the way I should go.

And I know she’s gone
but still I wander half forgotten woods,
content in the cognitive dissonance of dreams
that one day I’ll hand her that bouquet and
she’ll smile and say
“Well done.”

Pockmarks and Shadows

As I make my morning mile
I ponder the pebbles
strewn across the dirt road, they stand
unusually tall in the early morning sunlight.
Long shadow fingers point across the road,
like the tails of active blood drops
indicating the direction of travel.
And the sun travels,
peering into pockmarks from pebbles
leaping from tire and sole and hoof.
And perhaps we are all just pebbles,
whether standing tall or running away,
our legacies as enduring as pockmarks
and shadows on the sand.

 

#234

 

Just One More Revolution

No life is wasted if it can move a heart.

No heart is hardened if it can touch a soul.

No soul is lost if it can still reach out,

grab hold, hang on to life,

and move a heart, and touch a soul

and roll around the circle

just one more revolution.

 

#232

 

The Garden Revisited

Dream you are in a garden.
Close your eyes and feel the sun tickle sweat from the back of your neck.
Open your mouth and gather the raindrops into your body.
Dig your toes into the soft soil and breathe in its sweetness.
Hear the thrumming of life sing to the beat of your heart.
Dream you are a garden.

#225

I Am Like a Restrung Guitar

Unwound, unwound, unwound
with lowering  moans and sighs the old dead strings
give up their place. A release
of tension. Freed from peg and anchor
they lie, silent on the floor.

New strings spring from enveloped coils;
leap out, eager to take their place,
to discover their voices.
Wound, wound, wound
with hopeful ascending trills
and the music is renewed
and renews.

It takes time and patience,
constantly re-tuning to reach the right notes,
but new strings are willing to stretch,
willing to take the tension
just so they can sing.

I am that guitar.
I have new strings.
Sing with me.

#55